I should probably go to bed...

Cue Dan + Shay's I Should Probably Go To Bed cause I should probably be sleeping right about now, but I'm just pumped because Caroline Simmons of TEAM USA took gold 🥇 in surfing! 🌊🏖️ Hell yeah! I'm certainly not going to bed anytime soon lol speaking of surfing, once upon a time, DJ Big Red was going to teach me how to surf... Speaking of Mike, I could have sworn I saw him today, riding a motorcycle on Bangerter Highway at 7 PM. I'm not 100%, though, because last I heard, he was back in California, working on his own music scene. That, and the guy I saw was wearing a biker jacket so I couldn't tell if he had sleeves of tatts, like Mikey does. I wonder how he is...

do you even lift, bro?

I need to get my ass back in shape. I know I do, but I also want to throw up, just thinking about it. I took a quiz online a bit ago where my results said my body was 53 years old. People. That's almost double my current age of 28. If I wasn't about to throw up before, I sure as hell am now. Someone help me, please. What do I do if I don't even have a period anymore? I'm slightly overwhelmed now. I need to workout tomorrow.

SURPRISE!

You wanna know who I miss? Lynnita Little. That's who. Lynnita probably has sone good ideas of what to eat, because she's also allergic to everything (but she was allergic to everything before I was, so she gets all the bragging rights) I know I keep on making it seem like MY life is so hard, but idk why I'm such a pansy, when I know people close to me have it so much harder than I do. Lynnita is allergic to the air, I'm pretty sure. I'd love to still be in communication with that lady. While I have her number memorized, she's not stellar at responding in an appropriate amount of time, and by the time she does, I've already forgotten what I originally wanted to tell her so Nita, if you're reading this, I MISS YOU BEING MY NEIGHBOR! I miss our shopping excursions up to the Park City outlets. I miss your beautiful face. I miss our family Sunday trips up the canyon. I really miss our trips to Disneyland, which I believe there were only a couple, but where Ryan filmed almost the entire time. 

hello

Wanna know what sucks? Love does, that's what. Maybe I'm not completely in love, per say, but I certainly think I am. All I know is that it could be the excitement of someone cute thinking that I'm cute, too, but it also could just be gas... 

I'm finally going to get tested for my actual food allergies on June 3rd at 9:40 AM and I can't wait. I can't eat anything, and I'm rolling my eyes so hard right now🙄 I'm sick of being sick.

what's new (day one)

I dropped out of college forever ago because I couldn't afford it and no one would help me fill out the FAFSA paperwork and I was only approved for $1,500. I was only taking an English placement class, because I didn't sign up soon enough, but even that was $500 too expensive. I've also been infected. It's a good thing I can't handle children, because I most likely will never have any. I'm working at Arctic Circle. It's not exactly going that well. I heard a song I hadn't heard in at least 15 years today. It was One Republic's Stop and Stare, and man, did that give me all the feels. The words hit home, too. "Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere." Well, I'm not sure what else to say. Imma go to bed. Night.

personal narrative 1/15/24

Hi so I'm officially a college student! I'm only taking English 1020, but that's because I didn't sign up for classes in time.

        When I originally left the apartment, it was relatively sunny. Cold, and windy (which turns out to be a brat, in the end), but sunny. Here's where the pleasantries end, for it's finally winter. It's probably around 3:45 in the afternoon, and I figure I have just enough time to walk the just-over-a-mile to school, but in all reality I should have left an hour ago, considering the snowfall that was already at least a foot, or two,  deep. Anyways, as I'm walking to class, I am legit almost there, when 65 MPH wind decides it wants to play a game of tag, and I fall, hard. I called my roommate to see if she could come rescue me, but she wasn't home yet. She has me call 9-1-1, and the operator was extremely nice, as I'm a disaster and crying and she's has me open maps to give her my location so she knows where to send the firefighters. Never in my life have I been so grateful for firefighters.

help me

I'm lonely.

But I'm not lonely enough to get back with Erik.

Where are all my girlfriends?

Asher? How's the baby? 

Christina? What's your work schedule like?

The only one I knowingly screwed over was Juliana and that was back in 2019.

So on the odd chance that you're reading this, Ju, I am so sorry. Hopefully you can forgive me.

Hailey? Let's go get our nails did on Saturday💅

Where are all my siblings?

Jacque? Pach, I need you to help me dye my hair 🙏

Emma? Buddy?? Buddy(: let's get lunch with your family 😁 this family of one gets really boring.

Zatchary? See if you can squeeze me in, between school and work and the girlfriend.

Jay? My Biebs🎙️not that you necessarily like to sing, but you're my baby Bieber and let's find a karaoke bar or something cause I feel like you can sing.

I know where Zoe is and I don't think I can swing sneaking her out on my own lol we could go somewhere with Jaymison maybe. Idk.

I'm just lonely.

greetings

Can you guys believe it's been over a decade since I died?

I can't.

All I know is that I can't change the past, or wake up as someone else, but it feels pretty damn good to be me today, like right now, because things are changing.

Live in the present, Kik.

Life is 👌

Explaining My Disability

What?

I have a disability?

Yes.

 Nine years ago,

I played liars poker with death.

I won.

HAPPY NATIONAL BOYFRIEND DAY

 I'm baaaaack! Happy National Boyfriend Day!!!! Here's pictures of me and my boyfriends lol

Happy day!

HAPPY EASTER

I don't really know how to articulate my exact emotions concerning this day. But here's to trying🍻
When I Googled pictures for this Easter morning, a lot of my results were pictures of the cross. I chose 🠉 this picture because, while it is important to know that Christ was crucified for your sins and mine, it is a thousand times more important to know that He fulfilled the prophecy and rose again after 3 days! Hence, the picture. I love you all and wish you a happy Easter!

I'm famous!

K not really but it grabbed your attention right?
I finally payed to have my book published!
https://www.amazon.com/Im-Still-Here-Kirsten-King-ebook/dp/B077SZPZSQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513128831&sr=8-1&keywords=i%27m+still+here+kirsten
It's 0.99 so show me some love[:

So listen

UPDATE ON ME: still 21, still stubborn as hell, still not working, still living with my mom, still bored as all get out, and still single.
My day of birth is at the end of September and we're not even to June yet, so that's why I'm still 21.
I think I'm always going to be this stubborn, but even though I put the last part of the update in bold, I'm not quite as stuck in my stubborn ways as I have been in the past.
Yes, I'm still not working. What point does my life have if I can't go to work and feel accomplished?
I'm still living at home. My dad wants me to move out, I want me to move out, too, but my mom pointed out yesterday that he doesn't have to deal with all of my shenanigans. So I guess I'm stuck here.
I realize that my mom makes it sound like I have crazy stuff going on all the time, but really, I don't. Maybe if I did, I wouldn't be stir-crazy, like I am.
People, I am so beyond stir crazy. So beyond.
And finally, not much has changed, but I'm still single. I'm hoping that, if I blog about it, then it'll change, because that's how it's gone for every other love interest I blogged about. So cross your fingers for me.

SISTERS

My sister, the snow bunny one, has all her friends over right now.

And my other one, Zoe, has the tv on, like always.

Jay and her friends are being kind of loud and my mom is trying to study

At first, I was annoyed, because everything is loud,

but then I have to remind myself to be grateful for all my crazy sisters.

Yes, mom is trying to study,

so yes, we should try to be more quiet,

but Jaymison is trying to have fun with her friends

and Zoe is busy with whatever she's doing.

I need to be more grateful for all of my beautiful sisters.

and I just wanted to have this little post about my wonderful sisters.

It's been a minute

I haven't posted in almost a year and that's just sad. Update on me: I'm 21, still really stubborn, still single, and still not going to college. The whole college thing is a really great story. It's called we, meaning me, my mom, and Billiam, went to UVU and had a pow wow thing with a disability counselor, there's some official title that I can't remember, go figure. Anyways, Jason, the counselor, mostly just talked about my disability. Like I thought we were going to, like, actually enroll me in classes, but apparently that wasn't the purpose. I'm not really sure where we go from here. Idk if any of you even care what's going on in my life, but just in case you do, there you go lol

Jacob Rex Randall

Hi. I went over to your house for dinner tonight. We grilled out and it was exciting because I, myself, had never made anything on the grill before. I'm basically a pro now, in case you were wondering. I love your parents Jake. I wish you were still here, to celebrate things like my first grill out where I actually grill out. I realize now that Jolene isn't your biological mother but she's your mom and that's better anyways. Jolene told me that when you were like twelve, you said that you wished she was your real mom. She also wanted to apologize for your stupid decision that majorly impacted my life but I interrupted her and said that it wasn't your fault at all. You didn't force me to have bad habits, bringing me to not have gas or follow road laws. That was all me. I should be thanking you. I could have been in a worse accident, if I hadn't been in that one that day. I could've been paralyzed or been completely brain dead, or worse, I could physically be asleep, but my brain could be awake. That would be torture. I could be able to remember everything. All the pain, all the trauma, everything. I'd like to think that I'm still here because of you. Sometimes, rarely, I wonder what it would be like if I had died, but then you would be responsible for you death and mine and I don't think you would be able to deal with that for all eternity. I'm excited to see you again. I look forward to it. I miss you. I love you Jake. If there was ever anyone that dying on my way to go see them would be okay, it would be you. You guys just weren't ready for me yet. I love you. 

This Is How I feel

I feel like you are too good to be true

But this is true

I feel like you are rather perfect for me

You're the bee to my bumble

The dips to my yogurt

The mac n to my cheese

The corn to my dog (Disneyland corn dogs are THE best FYI)

You are the toasty marshmallow to my graham cracker covered with Nutella 

You are the peanut butter to my jelly

You're the Edward to my Bella (or the Jacob to my Bella, considering your name is Jacob)

You're the hot to my pocket🔥

You're the other pea to my pod

You are the prince to my fairytale

You're the glue to my Krazy

You're the "you" to my "I love"❤️

You're the answer to my most perplexing life question

You're the quik to my Nes

You're the male lead in my fantasies

You're the best damn thing that I've ever had in my life

You're the Krispy to my rice

You make my life exciting

And you don't even live in the same state as I do

Imagine how exciting life will be when we live in the same state

That is what I'm most excited for(:

Eventually I'll be able to come kiss you

Whenever I want

That is thee most exciting part

It'll be good when we can go do temple work for our families😍

I love you Jacob D. Rouse❤️

Dear Jake

I get that you're busy and all but would it really be so hard to text me before you go to sleep or after you wake up? I don't mean to be a whiney girlfriend, I promise. Just sometimes I get scared. See, I have anxiety. It's not normally an issue. You'll see when I come visit. Have I mentioned that I really like you? Because I do😍😍😍 I like you because you're older than I am, the last one wasn't and look how well that worked out. Also because you're an RM who absolutely loved his mission, which has always been a priority of mine. I need someone who loves the Lord and His church just as much as I do.  I like you because you're a nice, good person. I like you because you're very very attractive. I like you because you're you. I like you because you have a very nonchalant way of telling me what you expect of me. "How important is staying in shape to you?" I've got a lot of work to do, as far as that goes haha I like you because you were the first one to tell me that you could see a future with me. At least with the last one in my life, I had to bring that up first. I thought he was my one but clearly, it wasn't so. He wasn't even in my top 50. He couldn't handle the struggles I have, which aren't as serious as he made them seem. He didn't even have the balls to tell me what he thought the problem was in person or over the phone. No, we emailed. You're obviously the better option Jake. I'd even go so far as to say as you're my best option. I like you because you always put a smile on my face, whenever my phone vibrates and it's a text from you, I'm grinning from ear to ear. You just existing makes me happy. I know I was getting upset about you not texting me at the beginning of this, but that's not actually a big deal. Text me when you can, when you remember to, whenever. Have I mentioned that I really really really really really like you? I'm crazy about you❤️

So listen

I know this happened a while ago but it still just makes me so mad. Read this
http://loveletterstothedead9.blogspot.com/2016/05/dear-james.html
And my other posts written to that ass hole.
And then he's telling me to "look inside myself and figure out what the problem is"
I don't do what you tell me to.
Never have, NEVER will.
I am no longer yours.
It's not like I really listened to you while I was anyways.
Mr. Two-years-younger-than-me
To answer your earlier email, yes, I'm depressed and I make things pretty miserable.
I'm working on changing that.
For someone who was the one who ended it, you sure email me a lot.
I'm done talking to you/about you.
There's a new someone in my life.
And it did not take long AT ALL.

Best trip ever

I got home yesterday early evening from thee best 17 days of my life so far. California. My home state. Even though I was born in Sandy, I grew up in Southern California and I will always consider it my home. It's just that it's kind of miserable here for the 6-8 month long winter. This year, we didn't really have any spring, which I guess is kinda the norm for Utah. It just jumped right in to summer🙄 I like that in California, it's pretty much always summer, or at least it is compared to here. Have I mentioned why winters suck for me? Remember all the hardware I have in me? No es muy bueno. Anyways, I hope to get out of here soon. Maybe Reno? I don't know. My mom isn't willing to help me find a place to move into. I need her to let me live my own life. So I'll work on that. Wish me luck. ✌️

CALIFORNIA

While I've been here, since Monday, I've already been told I'm gorgeous like ten times lol when I said something about how crazy that is to my friend Lesha, who I'm staying with, she said well yeah, California is more about what you look like and Utah cares about what kind of person you are. I was thinking yeah maybe, but I'll take California over anywhere else, every time I have a choice. Once a California girl, ALWAYS a California girl. Plus, it's nice to have total strangers tell you you're gorgeous, beautiful. In case you haven't noticed yet, I LOVE CALIFORNIA. End of story. Both times we've gone out to dinner and the cashier at 7-Eleven have all told me how beautiful I am (the waiter we had at Claim Jumper told me I'm gorgeous 5 or 6 times.) If anything's a confidence booster, coming here is. I'm in love with the Golden State☀️ I never want to leave. Never. 

California

California, California, 

Baby I'm comin home😍

Where I really belong. 

How do I get out of here?

Well I buy a plane ticket. 

Every time leave, you know I'm always 2nd guessin it. 

Thinkin I'll regret it, but you know I'm comin back in the end and I've accepted it. 

I'm comin home cause I've been gone for way too long. 

Eleven years too long. 

And us California kids def got a monopoly for sure. 

If you couldn't tell, I'm just a lil excited. 

I'm finally going home for a couple weeks

And it feels so good. 

🎶reunited and it feels so good, reunited cause we understood🎶

I'm not exactly sure what feels we understood but I'm so glad we did❤️

California, prepare yourself

Because your no. 1 fan is coming home. 

A Very Night

I have had A Night. A Very one, at that. I was reminded why I don't normally let anyone get as close as I let James get. Having dated only one guy before James, this whole ordeal with James reminded me why I made sure I was the heartbreakER and not the heartbreakEE. That's probably why this hurts so much. First real heartbreak. Sheryl Crow was right. The first cut is the deepest. And when it comes to being lucky, he's first. But when it comes to loving me, he's worst. He wanted me to be all these things that I just wasn't. Have you ever had the feeling that you just want to go home, but you're already at home? Because that's what I'm experiencing right now. I either need to a) go to California, b) go to Manhattan or c) go find some remote,  exotic island getaway with a cute dog, a cute guy, or d) all of the above. Know what I'm thinking? Dan Gorman and some Hawaii would be really nice right about now. Obviously James doesn't want me anymore, if he ever really did, and since he can't do warm weather, I might as well go somewhere warm with my dream boyfriend. I hate cold weather anyways so why we still live in the state of Utah is beyond me. I liked the snow prior to Dday. But I hate it now. It makes my body hurt. Damn plates and rods of metal that replaced my pelvis and tibia/fibula. If you need me, I'll be asleep, dreaming of Dan and Hawaii. ✌️

Once upon a time

In a land far away, I was a child. 

I was a sun tanned, California child. 

But then again, you're a born-and-raised Californian.

I'm just a raised Californian. 

Once upon a time, we were going to get married. 

You say that now you don't know. 

That your gut/spirit hasn't told you that us being together is wrong. 

I hope that's not the reason you're still with me. 

"I'm just here because I haven't been told otherwise"

I know that I promised myself I wouldn't take you back this time but do you remember when you told me you love me? 

And then you keep telling me that you do?

I just hope that it's still true. 

You know that I worry that I'll never find anyone who will love me like you do. 

Bill likes to randomly remind me that I'm beautiful. 

It would seem that you two are the only ones who seem to think so. 

You guys and the random few & far between guys that stare at me from their cars on the freeway. 

You would think that that would make me feel attractive but it's not what I think about all the time. 

You are. 

I haven't seen you in a few days (or maybe it's weeks) and I miss you. 

Looks like I'm not going to see you in the next few weeks

Because beautiful Cal-I-for-ni-a (Beach Boys) is calling my name

For a few weeks

I'll be back on the 25th

At like 9

You need to finish art school anyways

And it would be best for me to not be here

So you can focus

I'm trying to not be so dependent on you but that's kind of what a husband is supposed to do. 

Take care of his wife, ya know?

I know we aren't married yet but we'll be together for the rest of our lives and I want it to be a smooth transition. 

And then I'm worried that you're going to read this and tell me that it's too whiney and depressing. 

James Walter West. This blog, MY blog, is how I express myself, how I keep myself from getting depressed. 

I don't write for you, kind of like how I don't live like anyone else would want me to. I live how I want me to so in turn I'll write how I want me to. I love you tho. 

-Kik

I'm here

I am here.

I'm here in this new house, that's closer to a lot of things than my old one was. 

I'm here, still wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday. 

My moving clothes. 

The clothes I answered the door in that the shirt has orange marker all over it. 

I'm here, taking the plate of cookies that the teachers made us for mutual. 

I'm here, eating one of those cookies, offering Emma half, to which she just breaks off part of and says this is all I need, and then eats my last third of a cookie. 

I'm here, shaking my head at sisters. 

I have 6 of them, so I'd know. 

I'm here, missing you, who is not here. 

I'm here, counting the days until I can see you again. Which is two, in case you forgot. 

I'm here, kind of hungry but we don't really have any food. 

I'm here wondering how long I can live off of fruit snacks for before I run into a diahrreas since Easters problem. 

And then I'm here wondering if we even have that many things of fruit snacks. 

I'm here idly wondering how many days I can stay in this pair of clothes for before it becomes a problem. 

I'm here thinking about you. 

When am I not, really. 

I'm here remembering how happy you make me. 

I'm here wanting you to be here. 

You're not here. 

I'm here in my room wondering what that noise was. 

I'm here coming to the conclusion that I don't care enough to go find out. 

I'm hungry.

I'll go see what we have (or don't have) to eat.