did you ever see the movie Remember Me? the one with robert pattinson? i know it came out forever ago but i just watched it. i was kinda freaked out by the similarities. roberts character tyler had a brother that hung himself in 1995. first similarity, i was born that year. next similarity, thats how Vance killed himself. granted, michael (tylers bro) committed suicide may 20, 1995 and Vance didnt kill himself until december 31, 2011 but still. of course i would be watching that movie tonight, when im all by my lonesome and of course this movie would have so many twinner-ish things. i posted a note to Vance (dearvanceloveme.blogspot.com). maybe its just worked out that way because that movie got me thinking about Vance, more than usual, and so it compelled me to write to him. and maybe not. but its crazy because tomorrow is Vances birthday. happy 20th baby. in the movie tyler was saying something about how he forgives michael. and it got me thinking... i forgive you Vance. for killing yourself. i understand why you didnt think you could talk to me and therefore pushing me and everyone else away. im sorry i wasnt someone you felt you could trust. i get why, when i was texting you the night of + all the months prior, you didnt text me back. maybe you were scared that i would succeed in talking you out of it. i could try to say that i know how you were feeling but, in all reality, i dont. but i understand why. possibly you were worried that i would try to talk you out of it. possibly you thought that maybe i would succeed in talking you out of it and you thought you didnt want to spend another second here. with me. which gets me all scared that you didnt think i was worth fighting for but then i have to realize that you probably werent thinking of anyone else. which figuratively kills me but figuratively is a lot better than literally. killing yourself is the most selfish thing you can do and this is where i start to hate you (for a sec) for being so stinkin selfish.
