i wonder

you know what ive always wondered? how many of you out there really actually care about me? no one, except for my family, was there for me before it and were actually there after. reminds me of the song find out who your friends are by tracy lawrence, tim mcgraw, and kenny chesney. because it takes a whole lot less than getting in a fatal car accident to figure out who your friends are. which makes me think that my only true friends are my family. i crashed on the day of jaymisons baptism, causing them to have to reschedule it, but she still loves me and im sure that, if she could, my mom would have rather it have been her going through all that pain of relearning to walk on a bunch of rods of iron (to replace the bone). i would rather not because going through it made me who i am. you probably couldnt pay me a million nuggs to change a thing. scratch that, you couldnt pay me all the money in the world to make me choose to make my life any different. im dying to know how my life would have turned out, if i wouldnt have gotten in my accident, or maybe how it would have gone down if i had proved countless doctors right and died. i mean, im sure being able to drive would be nice and all but maybe it wouldnt. maybe it would mean that, had i not been in my accident, i would be a mess; a knocked-up high school dropout, because thats the road i was heading down. i rarely even went to school to begin with. what im trying to get at is, that yeah, it hurt like every cuss word you can think of, but maybe it was just a blessing in disguise. maybe that had to happen in order for me to someday meet my someone, whoever he is. maybe...