damned if i do ya....

damned if i dont. thats how i feel these days. and not "do" you like sex, "do" in the sense that we should run away, or something. i am pretty sure i have better options out there but i want to throw that all away and run to the hills with you. so many music references right now. so much boobs right now. my options are just not here and you just bought a car. hi, yes please. we can maybe make out in your car, but it cant go farther than that. i just want to keep myself worthy of a returned missionary. i know, i know, i have a lot of crap i need to get cleaned up on my side before i am worthy of an RM but im trying. i really am, its just not easy. i lack a lot of the filters i had once upon a time, and its a lot harder now. not that im trying to use it as an excuse, because its really not one. im just saying try to see things from my point of view. you, the 23 year old who has quite a few tattoos and is trying to get back into church, but your mom still pays your tithing for you; for me, a 19 year old  who has always been a strong member, who pays her own tithing, and whose middle name, Faith, is the reason she made it through her accident? now, i kinda like the bad boy agenda youre on, but for real, thats like one tattoo or maybe two, but seven or eight? in not easy to cover places? remember how i told you i want a temple marriage? i honestly dont feel like thats gonna work for me, with you. so of course, because i know i cant have you, that only makes me want you more? i know, i know, it doesnt make sense. it doesnt make sense to me either and im the one experiencing these emotions... i feel like im a hopeless case, i really do. and then you tell me "its not you, its me" im sorry but what the hell? thats like the #1 worst breakup line out there. like, not to get all justin bieber on you, but what the fuck do you mean by that? like yeah i realize youre a tard who lost her phone in California but dont worry because this was bound to happen no matter what and its my fault. seems like thats what youre really saying anyways. i would start singing Jessie J's i look so good without you but i honestly dont feel like i do. you were the second boyfriend ive ever had my whole life and i couldnt even keep you for more than two months. thats sad, really. the worst part is that you really thought i was good looking but even still, you must have found some sort of flaw, otherwise i wouldnt have got that stupid not you, its me line. whatever, i dont need you.