15.7.14

We're unforgettable/hate

Fine, fresh, fierce, we got in on lock. Something about California... I, for one, did not realize my food allergies until we had left California. Nor did I start having seasonal allergies. Long story short, life was better here. Given, had we not moved out of CA, I wouldn't have TAed for Nelson, and probably would not have survived my crash. I've had this argument with myself a million times, "if we never left California, I probably wouldn't have been in that crash. Yeah, maybe, but what if you had gotten in a worse one? What if The Lord did see fit to just put you out of your misery and you had died? Or couldn't walk? Or couldn't talk? Or what if you ended up as a vegetable?" And then I get lost in this never ending what if? battle with my one some. And here is where I'd ask you, "what do you think?" But, honestly, I'm kind of scared as to what I'm going to find out. Cause maybe no one reads this (except for Nels when I tell him to) or maybe I'd get back a "I wish you had died, Kik" when in all reality, maybe the reason I didn't die was because He wanted to teach you that you don't always get what you want. And if so, I hope you don't mind when I tell you to kiss my ass.
              On a random side note, I absolutely hate being told what to do. I don't even like being told to go shower or get dressed or anything. Maybe all the days that my mom was telling me to wake up made me decide that, no, I wasn't going to wake up. I would wake up when I wanted to, not because you want me to, but because I wanted to. But no, I'm pretty sure that I didn't even like it before. Maybe it was because I had to take care of my younger brother and sisters with almost no help before my accident. Maybe it's cause I had to make sure all my littles got off to school in the morning (which would explain why I missed so much school.) Maybe it's because I was just expected to do all these things and not ask for help, so that's why I avoid help now.
  Hate is a strong word but, I think it expresses how I feel. It wouldn't do it justice to say I really, really, really don't like it.

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Quotes

a real woman can do it all by herself, but a real man won't let her.
i would rather die of passion than die of boredom.
a bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can't go anywhere till you change it.
your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.
what comes easy, won't last and what lasts, won't come easy.
DEAR GOD, IF TODAY I LOSE MY HOPE PLEASE REMIND ME THAT YOUR PLANS ARE BETTER THAN MY DREAM.
today is the first blank page of a 365 book. write a good one.
listen to your heart, even if it takes you all the way to California.
i mean, i could have done my homework today, but i also could have committed murder. so there's that.
it is what it is.
at the beach, life is different; time doesn't move hour to hour, but rather, mood to moment. we move with the currents, play by the tides, and follow the sun.
its not whether you win or lose. its whether or not you have the balls to fight.
everytime i fall, i get back up again.
you dont got to lie, just keep going faster babe, faster babe, why? im on your side, just keep going faster babe, faster bye bye...you just gotta speed a little faster when you drive.
it's all a part of bein young in the two thousand somethin
i don't believe in love at first sight, i believe in makin love tonight.
love notes, written on the streets in chalk, she's a run away train, with a strut in her walk, broken glass in the gutter, yelling at your mother, on the pay phone saying you'll be back by the summer, she's with me now mama, she's with me now mama.
before youre old and wise, gotta be young and dumb.
so we give em a reason, come and catch us, but dont hold your breath.
TELL MY OLD LIFE THAT I'M LEAVIN, I'M LEAVIN RIGHT NOW.