so im blog stalking myself, while Shark Week is playing in the background, and i blogged my "real questions" (whatever the hell that means) and Nels commented and told me to keep writing because they were some really honest questions. well i have more. with my knowledge-expanding life (ha get it, because my life is extremely boring), i thought of more really real questions:
what if all of this bullshit never happened?
how different would life be?
what if, even if none of it ever happened, life was still just as fucked up as it is?
who and what would you blame then?
would you blame me?
because, in the end, it feels like everything is my fault.
even the shit that has nothing to do with me, is somehow my fault.
if my mom has a crazy day at work, she can always moan about it being my fault because i have a TBI and if i could drive, that would make her life so much easier. well guess what mom? youre the one who wont let me even dream about driving again so, really, mom, its your fault.
how would that feel?
to know that everything that ever goes wrong in this world is your fault?
was that how Vance felt? is that what led him to make the choices he made?
i mean, that, and the fact that he was high beyond all get out. ive always wondered, how it would feel to tie the noose that you know will end your life. im sure they have a youtube video instructing you how to do just that. thats probably how Vance did it.
if we were to skip off into the sunset, would you try to help me figure out the weight of the world?
if it was all on me?
how do you feel about silence? is it nice? does it make you feel uncomfortable?
is it nice because it makes you uncomfortable and you like that?
how crazy would you be then?
did you know that medically speaking, i should be insane? not saying i am (okay, maybe a little, but not really) but thats how i should be. and if that was how it was supposed to go down and if were going by what the medical analysis says about me, i should be dead and how fun would your life be without me?
probably not much. im a party.
what if we get to start a family?
a family of animals because i have enough scars and dont necessarily want more
call me crazy but if we do end up together, i kind of want to carry something thats half you... idk.
maybe i am crazy.
but after all the crap that has gone down between us, i kind of think youre crazy too.
