23.3.16

i miss you.

I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your eyes, the ones that I'm not totally sure what color they are. At this point, I'm not sure if I miss the you that you are now, or if I miss the old you. As in if I miss the guy who left as soon as it got hard (which you were worried I would do) or the boy I first went out with. From before we got into trouble. Before my mom found out and made us go on a break. Before any of this happened. Before I was dumped. You tell me that this is just for now, that we’ll end up back together. My dad tells me to date around and you agree, say that's what you're going to do too, but no one ever asks me out. I was never asked to any dances. If I try to take the “piss off” sign off my head, I only get creeper, stalker guys interested. I don't get why. This has happened my whole life. Maybe I come across as way too easy. Maybe I'm too desperate for affection. You tell me that I need to tone down my open love for everyone. What would Jesus do? People hated Him and yet He still willingly died for us. I guess I'll try to tone it down, see how it goes. My other problem is that if guys think I'm cute, they don't pursue it. Don't ask me why. I wouldn't be able to tell you. While you're off doing whatever you're going to spend the next few years doing, and dating other girls, I'll just be here. By myself. Not getting asked out. And it will be good, I'll be good. I don't need a man. At least, that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. Have I mentioned that I'm so heartbroken? But, if anyone asks, I'm over it. Excuse me while I go cry my eyes out in private. 
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Quotes

a real woman can do it all by herself, but a real man won't let her.
i would rather die of passion than die of boredom.
a bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can't go anywhere till you change it.
your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.
what comes easy, won't last and what lasts, won't come easy.
DEAR GOD, IF TODAY I LOSE MY HOPE PLEASE REMIND ME THAT YOUR PLANS ARE BETTER THAN MY DREAM.
today is the first blank page of a 365 book. write a good one.
listen to your heart, even if it takes you all the way to California.
i mean, i could have done my homework today, but i also could have committed murder. so there's that.
it is what it is.
at the beach, life is different; time doesn't move hour to hour, but rather, mood to moment. we move with the currents, play by the tides, and follow the sun.
its not whether you win or lose. its whether or not you have the balls to fight.
everytime i fall, i get back up again.
you dont got to lie, just keep going faster babe, faster babe, why? im on your side, just keep going faster babe, faster bye bye...you just gotta speed a little faster when you drive.
it's all a part of bein young in the two thousand somethin
i don't believe in love at first sight, i believe in makin love tonight.
love notes, written on the streets in chalk, she's a run away train, with a strut in her walk, broken glass in the gutter, yelling at your mother, on the pay phone saying you'll be back by the summer, she's with me now mama, she's with me now mama.
before youre old and wise, gotta be young and dumb.
so we give em a reason, come and catch us, but dont hold your breath.
TELL MY OLD LIFE THAT I'M LEAVIN, I'M LEAVIN RIGHT NOW.