12.5.16

A Very Night

I have had A Night. A Very one, at that. I was reminded why I don't normally let anyone get as close as I let James get. Having dated only one guy before James, this whole ordeal with James reminded me why I made sure I was the heartbreakER and not the heartbreakEE. That's probably why this hurts so much. First real heartbreak. Sheryl Crow was right. The first cut is the deepest. And when it comes to being lucky, he's first. But when it comes to loving me, he's worst. He wanted me to be all these things that I just wasn't. Have you ever had the feeling that you just want to go home, but you're already at home? Because that's what I'm experiencing right now. I either need to a) go to California, b) go to Manhattan or c) go find some remote,  exotic island getaway with a cute dog, a cute guy, or d) all of the above. Know what I'm thinking? Dan Gorman and some Hawaii would be really nice right about now. Obviously James doesn't want me anymore, if he ever really did, and since he can't do warm weather, I might as well go somewhere warm with my dream boyfriend. I hate cold weather anyways so why we still live in the state of Utah is beyond me. I liked the snow prior to Dday. But I hate it now. It makes my body hurt. Damn plates and rods of metal that replaced my pelvis and tibia/fibula. If you need me, I'll be asleep, dreaming of Dan and Hawaii. ✌️

Quotes

a real woman can do it all by herself, but a real man won't let her.
i would rather die of passion than die of boredom.
a bad attitude is like a flat tire; you can't go anywhere till you change it.
your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.
what comes easy, won't last and what lasts, won't come easy.
DEAR GOD, IF TODAY I LOSE MY HOPE PLEASE REMIND ME THAT YOUR PLANS ARE BETTER THAN MY DREAM.
today is the first blank page of a 365 book. write a good one.
listen to your heart, even if it takes you all the way to California.
i mean, i could have done my homework today, but i also could have committed murder. so there's that.
it is what it is.
at the beach, life is different; time doesn't move hour to hour, but rather, mood to moment. we move with the currents, play by the tides, and follow the sun.
its not whether you win or lose. its whether or not you have the balls to fight.
everytime i fall, i get back up again.
you dont got to lie, just keep going faster babe, faster babe, why? im on your side, just keep going faster babe, faster bye bye...you just gotta speed a little faster when you drive.
it's all a part of bein young in the two thousand somethin
i don't believe in love at first sight, i believe in makin love tonight.
love notes, written on the streets in chalk, she's a run away train, with a strut in her walk, broken glass in the gutter, yelling at your mother, on the pay phone saying you'll be back by the summer, she's with me now mama, she's with me now mama.
before youre old and wise, gotta be young and dumb.
so we give em a reason, come and catch us, but dont hold your breath.
TELL MY OLD LIFE THAT I'M LEAVIN, I'M LEAVIN RIGHT NOW.